September 27, 2011

Why is it so hard?

   A couple of weekends ago I attended the BEST Ladies Retreat EVER. God really worked on my heart and my life. I came home with a totally renewed mindset and spirit and a fire to serve the Lord better. My prayer life is so much better (since before it was almost non existent!). I have more peace than I have ever known. I seem to be more content in knowing that God has my life in the palm of his hands and he can take care of all of my burdens. BUT....(isn't there always a BUT??).....

  Why is it soooooo hard for me to stay out of his way and let him work??? Ohhhh sometimes I feel like he isn't being fierce enough with his words and I have some doozies to scare those he is working on into repenting at once!!!!! And sometimes it feels like it is taking WAYYYYY too long for him to make some people pay for their sins....and since I know he has SOOOOOO many he is having to take care of at one time, well.... I could just help him out and show them bad sinners the evil of their ways. MAKE THEM PAY!!!!!!! Not for MY pleasure of seeing them get what's coming to no no....just helping the Lord out a bit.

  It all seems like a good idea at the time. I am the BEST at justifying my actions...but the Lord just doesn't seem to agree with my methods...nor does he appreciate my interfering. And to be totally honest....when I stick my nose in the Lord's business I usually get smacked pretty hard!!! Yep....he can spank HARDDDDDD!!!!!!!!

  It never fails though....I always know what my spanking is for. And after he is finished, he hugs me really tight and shows me how much he loves me. Yep....I hate the whippings but I sure do love the hugs!!! I have learned that God doesn't need my help with ANYTHING!!! He takes care of it all just fine. All I need to do is be ready to do my part....whatever that may be. Just be content to love him and love others.

  It may sound easy to some....but to an old stubborn southern girl like can hear me say many times.......WHY IS IT SO HARD??!!!!! HA HA HA

July 13, 2011

motherhood....from tough to tender

Ahhhhhh......the joys of motherhood! Tiny little bundles of joy that you can't wait to hold in your arms. You want to see their face, count their fingers and toes, hold them close to you so you can kiss their little cheeks. You feel like you have waited forever for them to arrive....and then they do. LOL
The fun begins as you go through all the stages of childhood into adulthood. The illnesses, the bumps and bruises, the teenage years of sleepless nights and gutwrenching days of the "unknown". Trying to figure out how to cut the apron strings and let them go. Watching them leave the nest and praying that you have raised them right, that they did comprehend something, anything, that would help them be the men and women that God wants them to be.
I have 3 children, Clay, Jerry, and Erin. 2 boys and a girl. All 3 have different personalities, outlooks on life, and attitudes. But they all have one common, their mom.
Recently I had a spat with my daughter who felt that I have a "favorite" child and it wasn't her. I wracked my brain trying to figure out the best way to help her understand my heart. I prayed really hard about it and this is what I felt the Lord give me to say to her.

I gave birth to 3 individual children. They may all have some similarities in looks or builds but each one is unique. Because of this uniqueness, I have a special, different relationship with each one of them. But the love I have for them is the same.....from the greatest depths of my heart.

I realized today that this information was not just for my daughter but also for me.

My oldest son called me today while he was at a concert just to let me hear some of the music because it was one of my favorite groups. He was out with his wife having a great time but yet he thought of me and wanted to share with me because he knew it would make me smile.

Yesterday my middle son called to ask me to help him pray about a situation he wasn't sure how to deal with. He thought enough of me to ask me to help him pray because he knows I will. He trusts me.

A couple days ago my daughter called to share with me that she had a job and to also ask my advice about her baby teething. She wanted me to share her happiness and also thought enough of me to ask my advice. She trusted my experience with children to try and help her. awesome is it to feel their love and respect for me. To share in their day to day lives.
How humbling to know that my children feel like they can come to me in good times and bad, to share their hearts with me knowing that I will listen and try to help if I can. That no matter how many times we may disagree or get mad at each other, in the end, we are still family and will forgive and forget because we are family! That bond is forever.

How much is this like our Lord? How much he loves to share our day to day lives and enjoys us coming to him with the good things as well as the bad. To know we love and respect him so much that we will take the time to just talk to him and share with him our deepest thoughts or just praise him for the littlest blessings that we take for granted so much. What an awesome God we serve. It's the little things that mean so much. Thank you Lord for the precious moments that we can see and know....they are just one more gift from you.

July 10, 2011

How did I live to be this old?

   Being born and raised in the home of a Baptist preacher is a challenge from the start. You're always expected to be the best kids in church, you can't participate in a lot of activities with your friends outside of church (who are usually the deacons kids), basically you are held to a higher standard than other kids. I have to tell you.....I was a challenge to my parents. Yep...I know it's hard to believe, but I was. I only have one brother so I was not only cursed to be the youngest child but also the only girl. Can we say....uh oh from the get go!!!!

   I wasn't exactly a BAD child....just the one who always pushed that one button you should never push with your parents. Anyone who knows my mama would tell you she was the easiest going person in the world. My daddy was always the disciplinarian in our family so my brother and I really did hear those famous words, "wait till your daddy gets home"!! But I VIVIDLY remember one time when I pushed my mama's button a little too hard and she showed me that she did know how to take care of business when needed!

    I was probably 6 or 7 years old and we were having the Christmas program at church on a Sunday night. Back then we had a class on Sunday nights before the worship service so we had a little break between the class and the regular service. The men would go outside and gather to talk and the kids ran around a little bit. My mama told me very specifically that I was NOT to get dirty. I had the little frilly blue and white dress with the big bow in back and the lacy socks with black dress shoes. Very nice for a girly girl. But that wasn't me! Soooo.....

   I went outside and was innocently playing bucking horse on top of the big propane tank with some friends (the deacons kids). My mama comes outside looking for me, sees me on the tank not quite as clean as I was earlier and then I saw a look in her eyes that I had never seen before....and I became a little afraid. She turned and walked to my daddy who was talking with the men. As I was sliding off the tank, I watched my daddy take his belt off and hand it to my mama......uh oh.....this was serious! This had never happened before so I wasn't quite sure where this was going but it did NOT look good!

   My mother turned to me, gave me the "come here" sign with her finger. You know the eyebrow up, one down, mouth pursed, jaw clenched, fingers all but shaking......this was gonna hurt! I s..l..o..w..l..y walked over to her. She took my hand, we went to the CAR....and she opened the back door telling me to get in. I did and when I turned around, there she was, in the back seat with me and that look was STILL on her face....but it was a lot scarier close up. She proceeded to "explain" to me why it was important to listen and obey what she tells me because now, I had to go in for the program, put on the angel wings (for my play part) smelling like propane. Not to mention how oily and dirty my dress and socks were. By the time she was through "explaining", I had a newfound respect for my mama. She could swat pretty hard for such a little lady.

  This was only one incident out of many in my life where I had to have things "explained" to me. And even though they STILL can't believe I made it to adulthood and they made it through my childhood....I turned out pretty good.
I love my mama and daddy, and when I had children of my own, they laughed many times when I would have to "explain" things to my kids. My daddy always said that he prayed for each of his children to have at least ONE child of their own that was JUST like them......his prayers were answered. But now, I have the priviledge of praying for my children to all have one child JUST like them. They all have children now so I am sitting back waiting to smile at them while my prayers are answered!!!!! I figure it took LOTS of "explaining" and love but most of all prayer that helped me to live to be this old.